I think I have touched here and there that I suffer from migraine. Actually I’m sure I’ve done more than that. I might have screamed in agony and shouted loud enough that everyone is forced to know how migraine affects me… yes, migraine does that to me- as some of you fellow sufferers will probably understand. And in that case, please accept my heartfelt sympathies. I know you must have suffered enough to know how crippling this pain gets.
As I was saying, it makes me a whiney bitch- which I am definitely NOT in normal circumstances. Yes, I refuse to acknowledge myself as any such thing!
Back to the point:
I have had an attack this weekend, which continued through till yesterday… and today too, if I consider this light throbbing and sensitivity to light. But compared to last few days- I’m in heaven (just a metaphor, I haven’t changed 
)! Besides I’m back to work today, which means I am functional- even though a bit slow. This, however, prompted me to jot it all down: my life with migraine.
The kind of migraine that I suffer from is called Classical Migraine with Aura in medical terms. If you want to see it through my eyes, here’s what I see- I see light spots, flickering lights, even zigzag lines… the worst kind of aura (for me) is when I see those circles that keep on getting big to small and then small to big, or when those zigzag lines keep moving….. sideways and up and down; sometimes I get temporarily blind or totally hazy visioned- differentiating by only dark and light- which I have learnt by experience is better than the other flickering kinds. It makes me less nauseous.. and less drained out.
When I went to a specialist some years back- he asked me to keep a migraine diary- noting down everything about each attack- description of auras I got, what food I had taken before the aura, if there was any particular emotion previous to the aura, anything that might or might not be relevant. I did, for some time- then I stopped…. but I kept it long enough for him to believe that my triggers were cheese and a particular emotion- depression, roughly (wine too, which I found out later in life: red wine, in particular).
He believed I was slightly bipolar. I did not. I was just sad and angry then- with life- like any average teenager. You know how teenagers are, unless you are one- that is… I was one of those self-destructive ones- angry with the world, lots of pent up emotions within… I am less self-destructive now, only a slight bit; but I still bottle it up a bit. It’s strange how some things in life never change.
As I said- I grew up and life moved on. The migraine, though, stayed and visited me from time to time.
There’s no real medicine for migraine. But when I start getting those auras… closing my eyes in a noiseless dark room helps… sometimes, if I am rested enough, the migraine stays in a tolerable level. But there are times the pain makes my eyes water and moan like I’m in my deathbed and want to kill myself 
I don’t in the end. Just like I don’t destroy myself in the end and I recover and get on back with life. I make peace; because life, my friends, is what I’ll get to live just once… and when I die, it will be the end of it all. And also because I believe I make a difference in some lives. I’m not sure I make those lives better- but this fact alone is worth living for.
There’s hope for me after all
