Celebration

My parents were Muslims; or ‘parent’ rather- as I am not sure if my dad has a religion. If not an atheist, he might be an agnostic who is still looking for answers; much like I am, but to me it does seem most likely to me that God does not exist, I guess that makes me more of an atheist than an agnostic.

Megalomania, originally uploaded by Ehtesham.

My mum, though, is a practicing Muslim; when I say ‘practicing’, I mean she says her prayers five times a day and fasts through the Arabic month of Ramadan. She is a Muslim; and to her- yesterday was significant. It was Eid yesterday. It is the most prominent Muslim festival of the lunar year. ‘Eid’ means happiness in Arabic and it does make her very happy.

When I was younger- I used to hate hate hate Eid. It made me socialize with people I did not care about, and say my prayers and praises to a God I did not believe in. That God (or any other Abrahamic God, for the matter) has never been mine. In me the concept of God never sank in- how can you be omnipotent and merciful, and then expect the humans to keep ‘praising’ you all the time? Egomaniac? Yea, that sounds more like it. Megalomaniac control freak? Absolutely! One thing is for sure, even if God exists- he does not deserve to be praised. Also, look around- I have to say that he is doing a rather poor job for someone who is omnipotent.

I thought it was simple enough, but apparently it’s not.

I refused God long time back. Social obligation, though, is a different story altogether. I know- you don’t have to be a Muslim, to celebrate Eid; just like you don’t have to be a Christian to celebrate Christmas. But it hurts my heart to be not able to have control over my choices. I NEED to have a choice to reject or accept religious festivities, just like any cultural one. Eids, thus, continued to be pure torture when I was back home.

Being free from religion in my mind was not enough. I left my country partly to be free from social obligations; so that I am not dragged to the milads, so that I am not made to praise a God when I see a beautiful art rather than the human to painted it. I would like to thank the doctor who saved my life than the God… so that I am not made to bow down and say that things will happen if it is indeed the will of God.

As I was saying- yesterday was Eid. As far as I was concerned, it was just another day for me- a lazy Sunday eating left-overs and chatting over cups of tea and coffee with Crazy and a friend who is staying over at ours. We celebrated too, not Eid- but the freedom to have control over our weekend on an Eid day.

We realize it has been a long walk to this supposedly small personal freedom.

… and it’s priceless.

The ‘merciful’ God

I don’t support death penalties, but I’ve known many who do.

It’s not much different than ‘murder’ in my eyes. I have often seen a positive correlation between conservatives and the support for it… the more conservative often are in favour of death penalties and the more pious are, too.

Have you noticed it too?

I wonder why the members of the ‘God Club’ like to take up the law in their hands- it makes more sense to do so for the members of the ‘Atheist Club’- since we are not waiting for an afterlife where our deeds will be weighed/ judged/ punished/ rewarded… but the pious- in their God-fearing ways- should they not leave the decision to the Gods?

Cutting of organs for theft? ‘Honour Killing’ for punishing infidelity? Suicide bombings in the name of God- while killing a hundred innocents? Occupying lands because a Holy Book says so- regardless of how many went homeless in the process?

Is your God really telling you to do these? Yes? I thought you said God was merciful? Are you still saying that? Yes? Why? Can you please explain, and please don’t say God’s reasons are beyond ‘human’ understanding; it’s a bullshit excuse for keeping on living in the caves.

And yet they say you need a religion to be ‘good’? And yet, it’s me who do not support death penalties/ cutting off organs as a punishment/ honour killings/ suicide bombings? Yet another example of how ‘morality’ is ‘not’ dependent on if you have a religion or not. I find it funny to even have to declare it, but I will anyway:

‘You can be good without God’

Why there is even a dispute on this, is beyond my understanding.

An Atheist Rant

If you think you are special, you may be deluded.

If you are typical, unable to hold any opinion other than the ones you were taught to hold, a conformist in both physical and mental ways, victim of blind faith and of the thought that religion comes before humanity- you are almost definitely NOT special.

If you expect me to treat your religion (or any religion) like it is in a glass jar, stop right there- I won’t do that. Ever. If your God is telling me things that I cannot morally support, that is how it goes then. For all I care- let the ever-so-fragile glass jar break- and meanwhile- come out of your oversized bubble, if you may…. or stay there, if you like. But keep from telling me how I should act (or feel).

I think it is as justified to criticize your God’s policies, as it is of any nation’s. And I believe every constitution gets outdated with time. Morality? So you think that does not evolve? Think again. Or may be yours doesn’t; one more reason why I think you are deluded.

Blasphemy is an alien concept to me as I believe in freedom of opinion and speech. And if YOU have a right to that freedom, so do I. I thought it was simple enough. Apparently not!

So, it’s time for you to think- are you really so special after all? I have a feeling you’ll still say ‘yes’ .

A dip in the Ocean

It is one of those days; one of those when wish you were someone else or that you did not ‘feel’ just as much.

On days like this- bad things depress you more, like being painfully aware that your beloved country is going backwards in time.

I always took pride in Bangladesh being a secular country- seems like it is being taken away from me- that pride. It hurts more than you’d know. I feel bare and cold without that warm glow of pride.

The love? Still there. But then, ‘love’ never was a logical feeling for me anyway. For me or for anyone I’ve ever met, for that matter. Those who disagree? Well, you just have to love enough to know that I’m right on this.

What can be done now?

Wash this whole thing down with lots of salt water, Tears, Sweat and a dip in the Ocean, and hoping- hoping hard- that we’ll again take a big leap forward and leave this black mark behind? And hoping (some more) that the salt water will ‘cleanse’ us… of out mistakes.

enough is enough

It won’t be an exaggeration if I say that I have not met many truly liberal persons who are religious. You see, religious people have boundaries; and some religious people who are comparatively open-minded, would insist/ expect that their faith be kept alone while scrutinizing everything else in the world. See, there is ALWAYS a limit to which they’d let themselves go in and explore.

Also- most of them would want their faith to be given respect, even by the non-believers. And why, look at us even? We (some of us atheists like me, that is) treat their faith like it is in a glass jar, as one simple ‘wrong’ handling will cause an immense amount of heartache, and we don’t really want that…

But do THEY reciprocate about out our (lack of) faith?

No! Of course not! They think it’s their RIGHT, because they are defending ‘the holy’, and we atheists are supposed to respect their sacred feelings for the religion and the God WE DO NOT EVEN BELIEVE IN. So the try to push their theories down our throat, DEMANDS that we keep our opinions to ourselves- in order not to OFFEND them.

When you think about it, how is it fair- exactly?

I know one person who thought I was over-reacting because I expressed that I abhor ‘gender generalization’ of any kind, but then gets touchy when her God is insulted (Example: I say ‘Your God is an Ego-maniac’ in response to her ‘Girls are meant to mind the kitchen’). Is it so hard to take that her God means nothing to the likes of me, just like ‘gender generalization’ means little to nothing to the likes of her?

All I am saying is- if it’s respect that’s expected- one should be prepared to reciprocate.

Can’t we treat the so-called holy books like we treat any literature? I mean, why are they beyond criticism? Why would ANYTHING be beyond criticism? Besides, why is it important that people (other than you) give YOUR faith the same respect? Why do you expect that special favour from the whole world?

Besides- to me ‘gender generalization’ (or generalization of any kind) is far more offensive than blasphemy. And those who react to blasphemy, I believe, are suffering from a form of disorder/ inability on their part to take jokes and/or other people’s opinions.

Cut the crap, please. Get it for REAL, for once.

Or simply LEARN to live with differences. It’s about time.

Seeing all these for all these years- I’m fairly certain that religion makes people blind. I believe religion is man-made and so is God… if you don’t agree- well and good. I am not exactly burning (myself or you) to convert your faith to mine (therelackof).

Besides, this is my blog- and not some Holy Book, and, therefore, you are free to disagree.

But but but…. I do promise I WILL get VERY VERY offensive if you keep it up, dude. Just a warning. I don’t play well with stupidity.

MURPHY!

At the moment I’m waiting for quite a few things to get started. Got to LOVE bottlenecks!

I may not have ever mentioned in this journal- but well… Mister Murphy loves me (oh yes, THE Murphy, the *in*famous one!). And that’s NOT a good thing- let me tell you that! As in, everything I ever read about this bugger’s rules- they ALWAYS come true for me and even more, he even innovates and gets new stuffs my way. That little bugger!

So yea, he’s again doing what he usually does. Nothing new here; and if I had any faith in it- I’d blame my fate for EVERYTHING; and that would serve as my perfect little therapeutic punching bag. But since I don’t- this is ALL I get to do!

I GET TO VENT AND BLAME A PESSIMISTIC FICTIONAL CHARACTER!

See… why I think religions ever emerged in the first place? Because I’m not as special as I believed I was (heartbreaking realization!) and all humans are just as silly

So yea, obviously I’m waiting (and waiting)… and even though ‘Murphy’ has taught me to be patient (not that I had any other ‘choice’, he just made things harder)- and I’d like to think that I have been a very patient girl- I may just lose it this time if this ‘bottleneck thing’ goes on for too long now.

Just sayin’.

change or no change?

You know how I always say that it’s not easy being me? I kid you not when I say that!

Example:

- I support gay rights (I am not one myself). I believe I am no one to TELL you what your sexual orientation should be.

- I support aethist rights (I am one myself)- if you expect me to respect your faith- be prepared that I’ll demand that you respect mine (therelackof) too.

- I believe that to be REALLY fair, you have to forget there exits something called ‘race’. If ‘racial differences’ is ALL that you think of and judge people by- however unconsciously- then even when you are inclined to the less fortunate- YOU are a racist yourself; as Shaam says, ’sometimes you have to be colour-blind’. I agree. You do!

- I believe in every person’s right to opinion- even when I do not agree to them.

- I cannot justify war of any kind- I believe one side always has to take the first step to cease fire and that might very well be me. I believe revenge is far too easy, damaging and often misdirected and humanity- no matter what- should always come first… I am prepared to take the first step foregoing my ego and FORGIVE.

I think I believe in many things that ‘conservative’ people might not; but I resist things that can be as small as new looks of msn messenger, facebook layout changes or a slightly bigger thing like ahem… err… changing a job? No, I can’t see much inclination to change here. Nope, not at all!

You know what triggered this post? Well… I was updating my resume today and THAT’S WHAT! I know how some of you constantly keep on updating your resume- always looking for better options OUT THERE- which is very good, it can make you rise and shine. Why can’t I do that though? I know why! Because I do not want to leave the comfort zone of familiarity in my physical sorroundings, that’s why!

I realize that I am prepared to let my mind explore deeper and further into the unknown than my physical self! I’m not sure if it’s a good thing or bad!

You know how many times I have updated my resume in my life? TWICE- after undergrad while looking for my first job, and after coming to Australia looking for a Part-time job while continuing my Masters- when it was absolutely necessary to update my resume, as you see! No wonder the resume looks OLD and I’ll have to revamp it now! After all the last time I needed to use it was a good 3 years back!

Well I am too old to change now (see I am doing it again!)… but all you young kids out there- this behaviour is NOT recommended.

Although it may work for you at times …

those zealots

yea, what about them?

well, for a start- they bother me. not ALL of them- but those vocal ones who go on and on (and on) about their beliefs and opinions. so much that it sounds not much different than how they’d sound if they were ‘preaching’ (for a fact- preachers would usually top my hate-list- if i start keeping one- that is). but that’s a statement for another post. it needs further elaboration.

i don’t really hate basic zealots, i dislike them though. but i definitely i hate preachers- the religious ones, even though i think they are just a sub-component of the big thing- but this feeling is explainable in the light of my love-affair with religion. ew. okay, i take it back.

well… let’s say because i have a hate-hate relationship with religion and god- with all due respect to the members of god’s fan club. i hate them (god and religion, not the club members) and they hate me. they don’t bother me and i wear the fact that ‘they hate me’ with pride. In other words- i absolutely love it that they hate me. yea, i get a little silly like that about things i hate. good that there isn’t many. no?

to elaborate the earlier declaration a bit- i’m sure there are things i, too, am extremely passionate about- my country, for one; and my man, for the other (yes, you heard it right! i’m sappy!). actually if i sit down to make a list- it will probably take up all the 15 lines of those A4 notepads. but i think i deserve some credit for my ability to take it when somebody tells me they don’t like something i absolutely love… or they love something i hate. it does not bother me at all. i don’t even need to know their reasons- i mean, everyone’s entitled to an opinion and that’s reason enough for me!

what bothers me is some no-good-personal-space-over-stepper telling me that i should do this-this-this or this-this-this is the right way to feel. i want to tell them what they should do- they should keep their noses to themselves, or try someone else’s backside. leave MINE alone.

is it so hard to take differences? this is called ‘individual difference’. we are, after all, not photocopies of the same original document. we are individual human beings- we differ from one another. i thought it was simple enough.

now that i have vented somewhat, i’ll go back to my coffee. you should trust me when i say that- coffee can save you from bursting from agitation on already-hard-to-take mornings.

after how many deaths would he finally admit- ‘too many people have died’?

a lady in the office burnt her feet while trying to save her husband from one of the bushfires that is burning is australia at this time. the husband is in intensive care now- recovering from the burns. she is in hospital too. her pets are all dead; her home and the lifelong possessions are gone. it’s almost like as if the fire monster came and ate a big part of her life- parts of past, present and part of what her future could be. her life, without a doubt, will never be the same again… what is even sadder is that i know this is just one of the many stories.

i know victoria is burning. it’s hard to avoid the splashes of news of the bushfire these days- they are all over the place: television, newspapers, internet- you name it and it’s there. you see its effects in photographs of distress, helplessness and pain and you feel fractions of their pains in your heart too…. you will have to be made of stone to not to.

today at work, my work-mate proby- while waiting for pekky and i- at the lunch table was close to tears skimming through the newspaper. it’s just too depressing. and i- while taking a walk to the market with pekky, looked up at the sky… it’s been dark since morning due to the dark heavy clouds; and i know if i believed in god- i’d ask for rain (and unlike all other times in the past) not for myself, but for those who are in the line of fire.

about god, though- why won’t god figure it out for himself that ‘rain’ is what needs to be given now? why would a being as great as god (their claim, not mine!) wait till somebody PRAYS for rain and then process it through long rolls of bureaucratic tapes to get it approved? i heard rumours about god being the most merciful of all- but i guess that’s all they are: rumours.

now the ultimate question that i seem to ask a lot- i ask again anyway: isn’t this proof enough that god simply does not exist or, worse, does not care?

oh well… the ‘blind faith’ chip is missing in my system and i like it this way.