Dostoevsky and Stanza

Finished reading my first book using ‘Stanza’ in the iPod: Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoevsky.

A dark and intense novel, as many of you would know already. Absolutely loved it, because if you did not know- I happen to have a fetish for ‘dark’ stuff… ahem.

Anyhow- back to the topic- I think Dostoevsky is one of my most favourite novelists now, if not the most favourite one. Read a few more before- The Idiot, The Brothers Karamazov, The Death of Ivan Ilych… I liked them all- but this one (Crime and Punishment) is the best I’ve read of him so far.

A semi-random thought: In so many ways I am like Raskolnikov- the murderer and the self-tormentor in the novel… I did not really exaggerate when I suggested that I have some traits of a psychopath.

Hmm..

It would have been a very fat book for carrying around in my already weighty office bag and my backache; and the fact that I am a very slow reader does not help at all. It took me A MONTH to finish this book. Imagine!

My back thanks you, Stanza. I think you saved me at least one physio visit

Gotta love technology

our doc-ful day

Yesterday was.. err… ‘weird’?

Well, I say so because all three of us- me, Shaam and the kitten- went to see our doctors, three different ones- us being more than one species and all, you know?

- I went, because I have been sort of sickly lately- with crippling migraines, backaches and heavy headed lethargies- triggering bouts of depressive thoughts etc etc etc. Lame, I know. But that’s me for you.

- Shaam did, for his follow-up post cornea transplant stuff. Hmm.

- The kitten, because he vomited out some alien stuff that he had eaten and made us panic (just a hunch: he might have eaten parts of that kitchen apron he is so fond of hanging on by.. you know.. kittens!).

Results:

- I have to see a physiotherapist. I probably have terrible terrible postures causing the backache (Heh… I can’t say I’m surprised.. There’s, after all, a limit to my lady-like-ness – not a very generous limit- thought I should add). A physio is supposed to tell me where exactly I’m doing it wrong. Yet to make that call for an appointment- but I will sometime today.

- Shaam needs to be at the doctor’s once again next week for yet another follow up. He is healing well in his operated eye, and they are assessing the un-operated one now since that will also need to be transplanted.

- The kitten was given an injection to settle his vomiting. We are to keep an eye on how he goes the next few days. The veterinary clinic that we took him to remains open till 8pm at night and is close to our home. That’s a relief.

So that’s it in the family grounds. I just thought it was amusing that all three of us went for our check-ups yesterday for three completely unrelated reasons

I’m easily amused, I know.

PS: I have put the kitchen apron in the garbage last night.

PSS: I’ve had my hair cut really really short.

how’s it going?

Yet another day of working from home.. Shaam is still the same, not too perky but getting there. I have been too busy to think how I have been. I could not spare any time to even go to Sherkhan’s cat-boarding to bring him back home but Ron is giving me a lift to Toorak tomorrow so that I can bring him home. Ren will attend to Shaam when I am away- so that’s fixed.

‘Sorry Shera baby- mama was so busy!’

Obviously he totally won’t understand. I’m actually looking forward to something similar to the ‘complaining meows’ that he gives us when we come back home from work which roughly translates to ‘where have you been all this time leaving me alone in the house!’

Aww…

Cornea transplants are tricky. Shaam’s eyes are extremely light sensitive and since his other eye also has keratoconus and he is not wearing a lens on that one- he has been mostly totally dependent on me for things. I am trying to cope: working from home, cooking, feeding him, putting in eye drops 4 times a day, cleaning the eyes, keeping the sink clean, making sure the house is germ free etc etc etc. Other than that excruciating pain that I sometimes get at my back when I am stressed- I’m doing well. I know these are all parts of the process. I know- things will start to be less hectic in the coming weeks.

He is now wearing the eye patch that was given by the hospital and sleeping beside me while I am taking some time out from work firstly to touch base with myself. I needed it .

Friends have been great during this time. It would have been very difficult if Ron was not so generous with his car. We don’t have a car, he is the one who took us to the hospital and brought us back home etc. Kanny cooked us a big chicken meal and brought over. It spared me from cooking the first day back from the hospital. Ren is bringing dinner over tonight. I made a beef soup last night for dinner- with cabbage and mushroom and served it with mashed potato and pepper gravy. It was fuss-free and nutritious- tasted well too, if I may say so.

So this is how life is going for us in Shaam’s post op situation. Fingers still tightly crossed for a speedy recovery.

You just can’t envy my schedule now… but I cannot give the responsibility of care to anyone else in the world now- even if it means some relief for me. I tend to get a little control-freak like that.

mushroom sauce and (maybe) something more

I want to make a ‘proper’ post- but I cannot these days.

It’s not that nothing is happening in my life- many a things very much is, actually. But I don’t feel like talking about them.

So- I talk about the easy things. I feel thankful that there are easy things that I can talk about: like my kitten- Sherkhan, like the backache and how irritating it is, like the amazing Japanese Bento I had yesterday for lunch or even the steak dinner we had at ‘La Porchetta’ yesterday. I can tell you that mushroom sauce is easily my THE favourite food accessory at this moment. And creamy mushroom sauce on steak- is THE thing to have for every night for the rest of my life. I can say it even when I know I am exaggerating- because these are the easy things… nothing makes and breaks if they change/ don’t work. They make you feel ‘normal’.

Then- there is things that are less trivial, but needs a lot of energy on the narrator’s part to spill them out. I leave them unspoken, because I just don’t have the energy; also because they seem ‘more real’ when I talk about them. They stay at the back of my mind though… even when I laugh my heart out on a steak dinner in a company of three other dorks and declare that mushroom sauce is THE thing one should have at least once before dying.

This is what I am doing even now. I’m sipping my third mug of coffee and telling YOU that you should definitely try the mushroom sauce on steak in La Porchetta. Trust me, sometimes life is just meaningless if you don’t try a few things and this is one of those!!

And then I laugh, out loud may be, and the ground under my feet ceases to feel as wobbly.

Edit (29 Mar 09): This piece of writing was selected the POST OF THE MONTH for Blog Carnival Everything Worth Reading March 29, 2009 Edition! WooHoo!!!!!

Degrees of Badness and what would have been Good!

The ‘bad’:

The backache is back- almost in full force.

As in- I don’t feel it when I am sitting down, and the pain is marginally ignorable when I am walking and not carrying any weight. I am very much aware of it otherwise though… especially when I am carrying the 5 kilo office bag- and walking towards the bus stop/ the tram stop/ the station/ the office etc etc. I walk a quite few kilometres on a normal day- that hardly helps.

I have been sort of backache free for about a year; so it was about time it paid me a visit- I’d think. ‘You were NOT missed, Mr Pain-in-the-back. Go away soon’.

The ‘not as bad’:

Shaam gives good massages.

The honest truth is- it hurts when he actually gives the massage- but as soon as he moves his fingers away- a nice numb feeling follows- and then I start craving for the pain. Wrong statement- what I actually crave for is pain that I can control. It almost seems that his fingers direct the pain to one point- and instead of hurting the whole area it hurts (even though somewhat more intensely) where his finger had been moments ago.

I’m sure most of you have no idea what I am going on about. It sounds bizarre even to me, but I swear it actually makes sense.

Conclusion:

Be it ‘the bad’ or ‘not as bad’- it’s still pain… and I want it gone! That’s all.